


Someone like you

by minzimpression



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Identity Porn, Kylux Big Bang 2016, M/M, a bit of domestic fluff, both are attending Arkanis Academy, cause i am weak, they meet before TFA canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-07-11 09:54:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7043344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minzimpression/pseuds/minzimpression
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>To Hux's horror, the guy didn't drink the liquid eye-opener drug but poured it into his caf.</em>
</p><p> <em>"This is how I die," the guy said and downed the whole thing.</em><br/> </p><p>or: Hux is in his last year at the Academy and meets a guy named Ben. Ben certainly makes his last year interesting. It's a shame that he breaks Hux's heart and vanishes into thin air.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Art by the amazing [caranoir](http://caranoir.tumblr.com/)! Honestly, I died when I saw the picture! So happy. Go and follow her, you won't regret it!

“You are to learn at the Academy for one year. You will need the strategic practice. You are not allowed to use the Force during that year. I will know when you’ve used it. You won’t be there as Kylo Ren. Finish this year on top of your class and you will return to me as Master of the Knights of Ren. Do you understand, my apprentice?”

“Yes, Supreme Leader.”

“Very well. Now, go. Your shuttle is ready.”

* * *

**Part I**

First Lieutenant Hux wasn’t particularly thrilled to be sitting here in the last row. He called bullshit on what his superior had told him an hour ago. Not being able to graduate a year early, pah. 

_You still have to take this course to graduate, Lt. Hux. No graduating without taking all the required courses._

So unfair. Hux had taken many more courses than required; he’d be graduating top of his year. And yet. He _still_ would have to take a few _diplomacy_ courses. The First Order didn’t do diplomacy, Hux had said and Major General Takil had thrown him out of his office after that.

Rude.

So now he was stuck here, cursing his fate. Why there even was a course about Nabooian diplomacy, he had no idea. Naboo would never bow to the First Order, that much was clear. 

But apparently there were some _brilliant Senators_ whom they have to study, because _life was always teaching a lesson. You want to rule the galaxy? Learn some diplomacy first._

Hux could do so much more, if it weren’t for this kriff. 

He could be on a Star Destroyer right now, conquering the Galaxy in the name of the First Order (and rising in the ranks like nobody before him).

But no…

He’d have to sit through _this._

And the room was full of students. Apparently Colonel Angkor’s classes were popular. Hux didn’t give a kriff. He wanted nothing more than to go out there and put his skills to good use. 

It was for the first time in his academy career that he didn’t open his datapad when the teacher came in. He felt a bit _rebellious_ you could say. Hux cupped his chin in his hand and sighed. His beard was itching and he regretted his decision to grow one. But it was en vogue nowadays, especially in the ranks of the officer cadets. So of course Hux had tried it out and he quite liked it. If it weren’t for the bothering itch every now and then.

Someone breezed in right before Colonel Angkor shut the door. The student nodded at her, cradling a steaming cup in his hands, and climbed all the way up the stairs to where Hux was sitting. Hux groaned inwardly because of course the only place left was next to him. 

The chair screeched very loudly over the floor when the latecomer pulled it back to sit down, and Hux winced. The guy sat down next to him and fumbled with his bag. Because Hux had nothing better to do, he watched him and raised an eyebrow when his desk neighbor took a little vial out of his bag. Hux recognized the little bantha skull symbol instantly. It was the newest drug at the academy, an enhanced mnemonic agent combined with some spice. It was supposed to keep you awake for three days without any side effects. Hux never tried it, because he didn’t need to. His learning and sleeping schedules were perfect, thank you very much. 

To Hux’s horror, the guy didn’t drink the liquid eye-opener drug but poured it into his caf.

“This is how I die,” he said and _downed the whole thing_.

Hux could only stare. No normal heart would be able to take this. Hux was really not in the mood to have some douche dying next to him right now. He glared at him and took in his face, watching for some signs of choking or last breath leaving his mouth.

He had dark, wavy hair, dark eyes and a ridiculous nose. Through the hair even more ridiculous eartips were peaking through. He should have looked like an idiot, but he somehow made it work.

_Cute,_ Hux thought and immediately averted his eyes. His thoughts shouldn’t take this direction. Not ever.

~~Cute~~ Ridiculous-ears gasped suddenly next to him and Hux looked up again. The moles on his face stood out even more because he was getting very pale and started shaking. 

“Don’t you dare throw up next to me,” Hux hissed, leaning back in panic. That was apparently the first time sharing-the-desk-guy noticed him because he looked at Hux, frowned and then glared. Then he turned green.

“Oh, for the love of the stars --” Hux started but it was too late. They guy was already heaving.

“Not here, you fool,” Hux hissed and stood up, grabbing the guy roughly on his arm and pulled him up.

“Colonel,” he said loudly. “I have to take this student to the med bay. He’s ill.”

She looked up, clearly displeased but luckily the idiot in Hux’s arms chose this moment to double over and vomit on the floor. Hux jumped to the side just in time so that it wouldn’t hit his polished boots. 

“Oh, I see,” she said, clearly disgusted. “Alright, Lieutenant, take him with you, you’re excused. And don’t bother to come back if he has something contagious.”

Oh _thank fuck_.

Hux had intended to leave the guy in his misery once they had left the classroom but he gripped Hux’s arm pathetically and swayed and Hux wasn’t that much of a monster.

“How dumb can one person be?” he hissed at him and if he gripped the elbow of that pathetic loser a bit gentler than necessary, nobody had to know. 

“I was tired. Academic Life is a joke. I want to go back to --” Idiot-with-too-big-ears didn’t finish the sentence. They had to stop because he needed to vomit into the nearest trash bin again.

His voice was deep and rich and sounded quite lovely. Thankfully he was an idiot so Hux would never be interested in him. Regardless of his oddly appealing looks and voice. Hux wasn’t _that_ pathetic.

Hux didn’t make another attempt to continue the conversation and the sick bastard was too busy with vomiting on the way to the med bay to converse. When they eventually reached the medbay a gorgeous woman was sitting behind the reception desk, painting her nails in a ghastly green. She looked up when they came in and smirked. Her name plate and rank stated her as _MSgt Phasma_ and she seemed to belong to the Stormtrooper Corps. Hux vaguely remembered that every Stormtrooper cadet had to choose a secondary career in the military to be of use in case they got too wounded for active duty. 

“Sergeant Naberrie. I see you haven’t learned from your mistakes,” she said, standing up and blowing at her nails softly. “Is it exhaustion again or another drug you tried?” She came around the desk and tipped the guy’s - Sergeant Naberrie - chin up to look into his eyes.

Hux answered for him. 

“The idiot mixed _Bantha’s Brain Boost_ with caf,” he supplied and the woman snorted.

“Of course he did,” she mumbled. She straightened again and Hux suddenly realized that she towered over both of them. 

“Well, I won’t let you have my precious beds again, Sergeant,” she scoffed. “You know the drill. Lots of water and a good night’s sleep and you’re your usual insufferable you again. And for the love of stars, _stay away from these drugs_. I won’t cover for your sorry ass any longer.”

Sergeant Naberrie pressed his lips together and nodded. His appearance in the med bay seemed to be an usual occurrence. Hux should have known. 

“If you knew what to do, why did you let me drag you here?” Hux hissed and took a step away from Naberrie, who swayed dangerously now that his support was gone abruptly.

“Hey, you--” Phasma snapped at him. Her eyes flickered over Hux’s rank and name and she straightened, trying to school her face into something that probably showed respect but the sneer was still there. Hux should be offended, but he wasn’t. It was kind of amusing.

“Could you please accompany this idiot to his rooms… _Sir_?” she asked him and Hux sighed dramatically. He straightened his Officer cadet uniform and took his deliberate time to answer.

“Alright,” he said. At least he would be excused from further classes today. He could always say that he had tended a wounded soldier, ha. Phasma just nodded and sat down behind her desk again, turning on a Holopad. 

Hux couldn’t help but glance at the glowing file that popped up immediately. 

**Naberrie, Benji (20); Staff Sergeant, Officer Cadet Program** was all Hux could read before he was caught staring by Phasma and turned around, dragging the still slightly shaking man with him.

“Where do you live?” he asked when they walked through the corridors of the Academy’s main building. 

“Tarkin Tower,” came the mumbled reply. Hux had to stop their walk at that.

“Are you kriffing me?” he asked. “Only Colonels and ranks above are living there. Whose dick did you suck to get living quarters there?” 

Naberrie stiffened at that and spit out a weak “Fuck you.”

“Ah,” Hux said. “The Supreme Leader himself.”

No, he was not jealous. Well, maybe a bit. Come on. _His own_ living quarters. Maybe Hux should start sucking the right dicks for that too. Living with Mitaka wasn’t bad per se but...a bit of privacy would be very nice indeed.

Naberrie didn’t answer that and Hux made a disgusted noise in the back of his throat. Really. He’d only heard rumors about what the Supreme Leader looked like. Naberrie must have a high pain barrier. Hux almost admired that.

Almost.

The conversation died down again and they reached Tarkin Tower after walking over the Campus for roughly ten minutes. Naberrie was panting heavily when they were in front of the large steel doors and needed two attempts to punch in his access code. When they were in front of the huge elevator, Naberrie punched the button and chose the floor _Na - Qu_ and Hux’s stomach lurched when the elevator rode up in an impossible speed. 

Damn it, he definitely needed to climb the ranks faster. 

The First Order definitely didn’t spare any expenses to pamper their high ranking officers. Well not the First Order, but the numerous sponsors who hoped the First Order would spare them when the time for their rule came.

What fools they all were.

They got out of the elevator a few seconds later and Naberrie opened door _Na - 800_ with a scan of his handprint. 

Hux realized the galaxy was a kriffing unfair place because they stepped into an honest to god _foyer_. He saw that the foyer led to a sparse living room and an open kitchen. Naberrie stumbled into the door right opposite the entrance. Hux hovered because he didn’t know what to do. Sergeant Naberrie was okay now, wasn’t he? He could report to Phasma that everything went well. He had the feeling that she would check on this. So he turned and tapped the confirmation that Naberrie was in his quarters into the console next to the entrance door. 

He turned when he he heard puking sounds again and wanted nothing more than to flee this grossness. He heaved a sigh instead and opened the door to the bedroom. It looked like the battle of Endor in here. Didn’t that guy have any discipline at all? Hux hands itched to bring order into the chaos here. Wasn’t there a cleaning robot mandatory in every living quarters -- ahh.

He found the sorry remains of the cleaning robot in one corner of the room. It looked like something had burned a hole in it. 

Hux sniffed in disdain and followed the noises to the adjacent refresher, stepping over piles of black clothes, dirty dishes, opened candy wrappers and what not. It certainly looked like a pampered prince was living here. This was _unacceptable_.

Outrageous. 

Naberrie was kneeling in front of the toilet and shaking madly. Hux turned, found a halfway clean cup on the nightstand and took it to fill it with cold water from the tap. 

He tapped the pathetic lifeform called Naberrie on the shoulder. Something unfolded deep in Hux when brown, watery eyes looked up at him. Naberrie’s hair was plastered on his sweat soaked forehead and Hux reached out to place the back of his hand on the burning forehead. 

“Are you done puking your insides out?” he asked, handing over the cup of water. Naberrie gulped it down greedily and Hux took the cup out of his hands when it was empty and filled it up again. 

“You probably should sleep and reconsider your life choices regarding drugs,” Hux said and watched Naberrie stumbling to his bed and falling down face first.

“It was just too much of a workload,” came the mumbled reply, muffled by the blanket Naberrie was pressing his face into. 

“Yeah well, use your time wisely. Maybe a clean environment would be helpful concerning your studying progress,” Hux replied and put the cup of water on the nightstand again. “And maybe not slashing your cleaning bot would help too.”

“It disturbed my meditation.”

“Excuse me?” Hux snorted.

“My. Meditation,” Naberrie lifted his head from the blanket and glared at him.

“What are you? A priest?” Meditation. Honestly. What a weird name for ‘trip’. 

Naberrie stiffened and then looked away to crawl under the blanket. 

“Thank you, Lieutenant.”

Hux shouldn’t be so indignant at someone’s clear dismissal. Someone who was a few ranks under him. Because it didn’t matter. Not really. Not now. Later, perhaps. When he was ruling over the galaxy. But now…

“Don’t die. Or they will suspect me. Won’t do good for my career,” Hux said drily and left the unfairly luxurious quarters. 

(The next time he had to suffer through Colonel Angkor’s lecture again he came to the room very early to avoid sitting in the last row because of a certain latecomer.)

* * *

He was face to face with Sergeant Naberrie again approximately two weeks after what he loved to call ‘ridiculous incident’. 

It was raining that day. Of course it was. Hux was sure it was raining 98% of the whole year. He never felt completely dry at the Academy. His room also felt like the dampness was creeping through every crack in the wall to linger on his bed sheets and clothes. 

Another reason why he loved training sessions on spaceships so much. No kriffing rain.

He was currently standing beneath an eaves and cursing his luck that his superiors wanted to raid the barrack rooms today for drugs. Because some idiot got caught with the newest one. And said idiot lived in the house where Hux and Mitaka had their shared rooms, of course. 

Mitaka had only smiled at him when Hux had started to bitch about it and told him that he would go to the mess hall to have an early supper. Kriff, Mitaka was way too positive and happy to be a First Order officer. Hux hoped that he’d never have to work with him on a Star Destroyer. 

Anyways, he had a few hours to kill now. He already studied everything he had to. He wasn’t hungry yet. Maybe taking a shuttle to the orbiting Star Destroyer for a bit of research and training?

Suddenly, the fine spray of rain wasn’t matting down his hair anymore.

Hux looked up and saw that an umbrella was held over his head. Naberrie was holding it. 

“Sergeant Naberrie,” he said surprised. He wanted to take a step back but that would mean to stay under the rain again so he refrained.

“Please call me Ben,” Naberrie - Benji, Ben whatever - said and Hux raised an eyebrow. 

“Well it’s still Hux for you,” Hux said and Ben snorted like Hux just told him the most hilarious thing of the day. “But you can drop the title,” Hux continued and Ben just nodded. 

“You’re gonna get into your room soon?” he asked and Hux sighed. 

“Not very likely. How did you manage to not die, though?” he asked in return. “Finally getting enough sleep?”

Ben shrugged as if to say ‘eh’ and then looked as if the next words would cause him very much pain.

“Thank you for… bringing me to my rooms,” he said slowly and Hux had to hide a grin because Ben scrunched his nose together with his frown and he looked like a boy. A very cute boy and --

Hux really shouldn’t be thinking this.

“Yes, well. Sergeant Phasma would have found a way to teach me a lesson if I wouldn’t have helped. She looked rather scary.”

Ben barked a laugh. 

“Oh, trust me. She is.”

Hux wondered if they were an item. And immediately scoffed internally. Because it wasn't. His. Business.

“You can wait in my rooms if you want,” Ben suddenly said and Hux wondered what he did do deserve some question like this. He didn’t even know the man. This was just a stupid child who had no idea how to deal with drugs and Academic Life. 

But then he thought about the unfairly big rooms and the _comfort_ that Ben’s living quarters provided and… he really didn’t have anything better to do.

“Yes, thank you,” he replied and Ben smiled a little unsure smile. They turned to the direction of Tarkin Tower and on their way the temperature seemed to drop twenty degrees; the moisture was seeping into his clothes and Hux sighed when they entered Ben’s living quarters because the lovely heating unit kicked in as soon as they had entered the rooms. Who in the galaxy was Ben to the Supreme Leader that he had such nice living conditions?

Ben threw the umbrella into the next best corner of the foyer and shucked off his navy blue officer’s uniform jacket and tossed it _on top of the wet umbrella_. Hux could only gape at him as he stood there, watching Ben walk into the living room with the little kitchen corner and filling up a kettle with water.

Hux couldn’t stand this...this chaos and took both of the offending items to the refresher. There he opened the umbrella again and placed it into the bathtub so it could dry. For the uniform jacket he found a hanger that had been tossed onto the bed and hung it up in the bathroom for drying, too. Ben’s bedroom looked even worse than one week before and Hux just couldn’t deny his slight ocd anything. He started to pile the clothes lying on the floor, made the bed and wanted to roam over the desk when a steaming cup of tea was shoved under his nose.

“What are you doing?” Ben asked suspiciously and Hux took the cup, sniffed at it. It smelled heavenly. 

“If you’d live like a slob in the barrack rooms you’d be dead by now. Slaughtered by your roommates. Honestly,” Hux scoffed. “Don’t you have any discipline? I hope you’ll never be on the ship I’m going to command in the future.” He took a sip from the tea and it tasted exquisite. “Well, maybe I’ll keep you for tea making.”

There was this little flicker of a smile again, as if Ben didn’t know how or hadn’t smiled in a long time and had to remember. It shouldn’t look so endearing. This crooked smile combined with these features, but it did.

“I doubt I will ever be on a ship,” Ben said, tilting his head slightly.

“Uhm, sorry to break this to you but you do realize that you’re in the Officer’s career path, right? You’re going to command a ship some day. And you will lead those ships against the Republic Scum. And you will walk above their skulls and ashes and --” Hux realized that he got a bit carried away and was talking about his own fantasies. 

Thankfully, Ben didn’t comment on that and just sipped his own tea. Hux took a sip of his tea too and the hot beverage was still tasting delicious. 

“Please don’t tell me that these are Republic imported tea leaves, because that’s illegal and way too expensive,” Hux murmured into the tea and Ben actually chuckled.

“Okay, I won’t tell you,” he answered and Hux pressed his lips together.

“What are you? Some kind of royalty?” Hux was not jealous. No. Not at all.

Interestingly enough, Ben winced at that question and that told Hux everything. But Ben only shook his head and mumbled something about his father and royalty and how laughable this was. Hux let the topic drop immediately and instead drained his cup because he’d never tasted such good tea in his life before. 

“Do you have more of this?” he asked and what was happening? Why was he here in some pampered prince’s rooms. Said prince he’d tried to avoid because he tended to vomit all over the place. But the rooms had so much to offer and Hux couldn’t help but accept this luxury greedily.

He was human after all (even if most of the time, people around him dared to say otherwise).

Ben smiled again and nodded. 

“Sure. Come along. You can tidy up there too, if you want.”

Ah, that was a mocking tone but Hux didn’t let it get to him because he was above that. Instead he handed Ben his empty cup and really started to stack strewn around papers (it was mostly architectural doodles or mask designs - they did look pretty good). He was folding a black jacket with too many buttons and a large cowl when another cup of tea appeared in front of him. 

“Here,” Ben said and they exchanged the cup for the jacket. 

“Hang this up,” Hux demanded and Ben bowed.

“Of course. I shall hang this right up.”

Hux couldn’t help but grin a bit at that and sat down onto the couch, sipping his second cup of tea. Ben actually did go to his bedroom to hang the jacket up and Hux took his time to look around. Envy bubbled up in his throat as he took in the large dining table in front of the kitchenette, the big bookshelf with actual hardcopies of books and the big viewscreen right in front of him. The living quarters even had a small balcony. These rooms certainly looked like they belonged to some General. Hux wondered if he’d have such luxurious living quarters on board of his own ship some day. Maybe, if he designed a Star Destroyer himself. Ah, foolish thoughts. Hux knew that he wouldn't waste space and resources just to have a comfortable life onboard of a space ship. He was too practical for that. But maybe living quarters on a base, on an actual planet --

“You look like you’ve eaten too many citrus blossom cakes,” Ben interrupted his thoughts and Hux looked up only to notice that he had changed his clothes and was now wearing comfortable looking dark pants under a black wool tunic. An equally black belt was drawing attention to a deliciously portioned waist. It should have looked ridiculous but it didn’t.

Hux could only stare.

Ben stared right back.

“I’m merely envious,” Hux tried to state extra flippantly after their staring contest and a small smirk was visible on Ben’s features now.

“Look, I didn’t choose this,” he explained. “I got appointed here. I didn’t even know that this was not standard.”

“What, did you live under a rock before you came here?” Hux asked, feeling irritated. 

“Sometimes,” Ben answered and Hux had no idea if he was joking or not.

Ben sat down next to him - way too close - and flicked on the viewscreen and a holovid started playing. Hux frowned at the movie because it was some brainless comedy nonsense. He looked at his chrono. It was still too early to make his way to an early supper and the raid wasn’t probably over yet. 

There was an awkward tension building in the room and Hux scratched his beard. 

“I probably should --” he started but got interrupted by the other man.

“I never thanked you properly for helping me out, right?” he asked Hux somewhat breathless and Hux turned to him, only frowning deeper. They already had this conversation before, and he really should be going and --

Lips that were wet from spit were suddenly on his mouth and Hux’s head jerked back because Ben had thrown himself forward with too much force. Hux groaned when he could hear and feel a pop in his neck and gave the only reaction such a sudden kiss deserved - he brought his fist up and it collided with Ben’s nose. 

Ben cried out, falling back and Hux had the weird sensation as if someone was punching his gut with an invisible fist. But as soon as he had felt it, it was over again. Ben’s cup of tea exploded and Hux wondered if they accidently had thrown it from the table during their sudden movements.

He stood up abruptly and wiped his hand over his lips.

“What in the everloving stars is wrong with you?” He demanded, jumping off the couch and holding his hands out in case Ben wanted to attack him again.

“I wanted to _thank_ you,” Ben grumbled, touching his nose and frowning when his finger came back bloody.

“You can’t just go around, kissing superiors like that,” Hux snarled, his heart beating rather violently. 

“You’re my classmate, not my superior.”

“What? My rank is higher than yours!”

“You just told me half an hour ago that I could drop the rank!” Ben pointed out and Hux pinched the bridge of his nose, because he could argue with that but did he actually have the patience? 

Definitely no.

“I should go,” Hux said, because this was frankly ridiculous. 

Ben looked panicked.

“No, don’t go. I’m sorry, I just thought it was… appropriate.”

He looked so lost and much much younger than the 20 years old that was written in his file. Hux sighed heavily and flopped down on the couch again.

“Why would you think this would be appropriate?” He asked, looking at the mess of shards that were lying on the couch table and on the floor. He eyed the hot tea that was slowly dripping on the carpet and groaned. “And can you _please_ clean this mess up?”

Now Ben’s mouth twitched again and he wiped his whole hand over his nose, his blood glistening in the lights coming from the ceiling (even the lights in here seemed to shine warmer than in Hux’s quarters). 

“You really don’t like mess,” he said in an amused tone but got off the couch to scoop up the guards with his hands Hux had to look away when they were tinted red soon because that idiot didn’t even wipe his bloody hand clean beforehand.

“ _You_ are a mess,” he told Ben. “A fucking disaster. That’s what you are.”

“Takes one to know one,” Ben almost sing-songed and threw the shards away. Thankfully, he washed his hands afterwards and Hux moved a few inches away when Ben sat down on the couch again. 

The silence that followed was a bit awkward and Hux was aware how damp his jacket still was and he suddenly realized that he was leaving a wet stain on the couch. He shot up from the couch as if he was stung and fumbled with the buttons of his jacket. 

“I am so sorry,” he told Ben in a horrified tone and peeled the jacket off his body, revealing a simple white shirt underneath. “Can I hang this somewhere to dry?” He asked and Ben simply shrugged, staring at him as if he just had some sort of revelation. Hux took this as an affirmative and marched into Ben’s bedroom to find another hanger. After he found one stashed between Ben’s bed and the bedside table, he draped his damp jacket over it carefully, smoothed out imaginary creases and came back to the living room to hang it directly above the heating unit. 

It sure was a nice heating unit.

Hux even stretched out his ever cold hands and sighed when the heat stroked his clammy fingers.

“Why do you have such nice living quarters?” He complained.

Ben chuckled.

“I told you, I don’t know. They were given to me when I transferred.”

“Are you the Supreme Leader’s son or something?” Hux asked and turned around when Ben made a choking sound and was very red in the face. He looked like he didn’t want to burst out laughing. In the end, he failed and startled out a genuine laugh and Hux was somewhat charmed. 

No.

Wrong thoughts.

“He’d like that,” Ben mumbled and to say that Hux was surprised was an understatement. 

“So you _do_ know him personally,” he said and couldn’t help the sheer awe in his voice. Why did this awkward, lanky child with unproportional facial features know their Great Leader? Hux would give _everything_ to have an audience with Snoke, if just to show him how competent and valuable Hux was for the First Order. Hux was sure that he’d raise the ranks even quicker with a nudge from the Supreme Leader.

He could --

“Do you want to eat something?” Ben interrupted his thoughts and Hux looked at him.

“Uhm...you mean in the mess hall...together?”

“I don’t eat in the mess hall,” Ben scoffed and Hux rolled his eyes.

“By the stars, what are you?” Hux asked and Ben just shrugged and walked over to the kitchenette, opened the conservator which was well stocked. 

Hux was behind Ben in five long strides, pushing him to the side so he could inspect it himself. He couldn’t believe it. This stuff wasn’t even cooked and looked better than everything than he had ever seen before. 

“Kriff. Is that all Republican food?” He asked Ben and Ben just shrugged with his awkward big shoulders. He should stop doing that. It did things to Hux. Terrible things. 

“Old habits die hard,” Ben said in a cryptic tone and Hux scowled at him. 

“Again,” he said. “ _What_ in the stars are you?” He demanded. Ben seemed offended that Hux asked ‘What’ and not ‘Who’ but Hux was offended too -- by the sheer luxury the other man lived in.

“You don’t deserve any of this,” Hux sneered but that didn’t stop him from rummaging through the content of the conservator because _Kriff, this all looked so delicious_.

“Probably,” Ben just said and there was definitely laughter in his voice. “You like what you see?” 

Hux didn’t bother with a reply and reached into the conservator. His hands came out with two nerf steaks. Actual not gross looking meat. 

“What do I have to do that you’ll make these?” Hux asked, mouth already watering. 

Ben stared at him with that odd look again and then gently pried the steaks out of Hux’s hands.

“Just sit down and watch a bit of a holo, would you?” He said and Hux looked at him suspiciously.

“Why?” That was an odd request.

“I kind of like you, okay?” Came the muffled reply. Ben had his head deep in the conservator and was pulling out other stuff. Fresh vegetables by the looks of it.

Hux didn’t say anything for a whole minute, just staring at Ben’s back, noticing how the tips of his ears were bright red. He finally sighed and flopped down onto the couch.

“You are very odd,” Hux told him, defeated. He sank back into the lush cushions and searched for the remote of the viewscreen. He searched for something good after he found the remote and stopped with a grand history documentary about the Empire on some illegal First Order unapproved channel.

He couldn’t help but steal a glance to the left every now and then. Ben was puttering around in the kitchenette and certainly seemed to know what to do because after a few minutes the living quarters began to smell heavenly. Hux knew it was going to be so much better than the supper he was supposed to be in the mess hall.

* * *

He was right.

The dinner was exquisite and if Hux would have known what would lie ahead of him because he simply accepted Ben’s invitation to dinner….

Well, he probably would have done it again.

Exactly like that.

* * *

Hux’s head was lying on the desk before him and he tried to tune out the droning from Professor Angkor. He was tired. So _tired_. 

And that alone was frankly ridiculous, because he had a perfect sleeping schedule.

Unfortunately, this was before he met Benji Naberrie.

Ben had invited him over six times already and Hux always accepted the invitations. 

“Because I like to relish the luxury your living quarters provide,” Hux always told him.

“Because you also like me a bit,” Ben always answered with a smug grin.

Hux always asked him if there was something new on the viewscreen or if he had newly imported stuff from the Republic.

Ben always had something.

Meeting Ben had made Hux’s last year at the academy much more endurable. 

But all the eating and watching crap on the viewscreen was also fatal to his sleep time. 

(Ben always offered for him to sleep at his living quarters but Hux always refused. Of course.)

Professor Angkor was now praising some long dead Queen of Naboo and Hux looked to the right when Ben next to him chuckled. He was sipping a caf lazily (thankfully without any additional drugs) and looked like he couldn’t care less about this lecture.

“Is something funny?” Hux mumbled and Ben looked at him, grinning.

“You are,” he pointed out and Hux rolled his eyes.

Ben slurped his caf and Hux stared at the movement of his adam’s apple. Ben didn’t even have his datapad out. He never had. And yet...Hux had been able to look at his score for the latest test they’ve written about diplomacy. He had 110%. 

Benji was an enigma. 

And Hux itched to decipher him.

* * *

“Would you _please_ stop doing that?” Hux almost yelled and stared at Ben who was holding his bloody lip. Hux’s heart was beating violently in his chest. Seriously. Ben had to stop this kissing attacks. It wasn’t good for Hux’s health. Or so Hux liked to tell himself in front of the mirror every night.

“But I _like_ you,” Ben whined.

“Fine. Whatever. You _like_ me. But that doesn’t mean that you can kiss me whenever you want to. I’m not your kriffing boyfriend.”

“You could be,” Ben said and he looked so pathetic, leaning at the wall, nursing his lip, scowling. 

Hux wondered how he even got here, to this very moment. 

“Why would I want that?” He sniffed. “You’re too big of a child. I only use you so I can escape the dullness that is this academy. I could be on a Star Destroyer right now. If _bureaucracy_ wasn’t in the way.”

Ben chuckled at that, coming close again.

“You can tell yourself that, but I am pretty sure that you like me.”

Ben was so sure of himself it was disgusting. 

Hux raised his hand to put it on Ben’s face, trying to block him from kissing Hux again.

“You can’t just go around and kiss me every time you feel like it. It’s not right. Not everything can bend to your will, Benji Naberrie.”

“Oh, if you’d only knew,” Ben said muffled against his palm and then proceeded to _lick_ it.

Hux shuddered and wanted to backhand Ben but it was the first time that Ben actually caught his hand. Huh.

Ben smirked.

“Can you stop hitting me? It’s getting old.”

Hux tried to wriggle his hand free but Ben’s grip around his wrist was surprisingly strong and Hux couldn’t move it.

“ _You’re_ getting old,” was his weak comeback and Ben chuckled again, yanking at his wrist so Hux was pressed flush to his chest. Hux huffed indignantly and peered into Ben’s dark eyes.

“I thought ten invitations are enough courting,” Ben said in a small voice, leaning his forehead against Hux’s.

“Oh I’m sorry, did you just say you were courting me?” Hux asked and wanted to laugh but he couldn’t. Ben’s body heat was very distracting. “You think I’m that easy?” 

 

“Oh Hux, you’re everything but easy. But that’s the fun fact, isn’t it?” Ben replied and his overlarge nose rubbed over Hux’s left eyebrow. Hux’s eyes fluttered shut and Ben kissed the eyelid.

“Why are you holding back, Hux? Don’t you have fun with me… and my luxury?” He asked, kissing Hux’s cheek now. Hux started to sway and clawed his hands into Ben’s shirt, surprised that he could feel a surprisingly muscled chest.

“Is this all still a thank you because I held your hair while you were puking your guts out three months ago?” Hux asked, very silent, almost inaudible. 

“No, _that_ thank you was our first kiss-punch. I am really tired of our kiss-punches,” Ben complained and kissed the corner of Hux’s mouth. 

“You’re insane. I’d like to go please,” Hux declared but made no move to step away from Ben when the other man released him immediately. 

“Alright. Go. I won’t have you say that I harassed you or something,” Ben said and crossed his arms in front of his chest, looking like he didn’t have the slightest care in the world. Hux missed his body heat. And his lips on his face. Lips that were currently stretched into a smug grin. Ben knew he had won and was only waiting for Hux to confirm it. 

“Well…” Hux said. “You have to share your luxury with _someone_ , right?” Hux said slowly. “It’d be a shame if all this would be wasted on you, you child.”

“Oh, Hux. Your insults are doing things to me,” Ben said and Hux snorted.

While building this curious friendship with Ben, he had laughed more than during his whole time at the Academy. Hux snapped out of his thoughts when one of Ben’s huge palms cupped his cheek, stroking over his beard.

“Tell me Hux. Do you use conditioner for your facial hair? It’s so soft. Or is it just a baby’s fluff?” 

“I really need you to shut up,” Hux complained.

“Make me,” Ben answered and Hux did just that.

Being the one initiating the kiss was troublesome for Hux’s heart and very satisfying for his body. Ben was already gasping and Hux could slip in his tongue, exploring Ben’s hot mouth. Hux’s whole body was thrumming with pleasure and he pressed himself against Ben, relishing the heat coming from Ben. Ben’s hands settled on Hux’s hips and Hux was almost groaning when those huge hands were almost able to encircle his waist completely. The kiss was a bit clumsy, Ben’s tongue sometimes felt like it was too much, but it wasn’t bad. Not at all. 

He had no idea who was whining when they had to break the kiss for air -- maybe it was the both of them but even on his deathbed, Hux would still deny it on his deathbed that he would be able to make such a pathetic noise. Hux gulped for air, feeling a bit dizzy and closed his eyes when Ben’s nose started to nuzzle Hux’s soft spot between his ear and his cheek. 

Hux had a nose full of Ben’s hair now and it smelled so good. Hux breathed in deeply and it felt like he was taking a stroll through the rich forests of Endor. Not that he knew how the forests of Endor smelled but he imagined that it would be exactly like this. 

Ben’s mouth was slowly kissing a sloppy trail down Hux’s face, working on a bruise in the crook of Hux’s neck. Hux stumbled when Ben shifted his weight, pushing him backwards. Hux went willingly until he crashed into the doorframe of Ben’s bedroom with his back. The pain brought him back to reality and he blinked irritated.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Hux almost slurred. His tongue was so heavy and it was difficult to keep his eyes open and not melt completely against Ben’s body. 

“I’m taking you to bed,” Ben mumbled, still nipping and biting against his skin above Hux’s collarbone. 

“Oh no, you don’t,” Hux tried to pry himself off Ben. It was more difficult than he would have thought. Hux tried to blink away the drowsy feeling and bit his lip when Ben’s tongue slipped over his collarbone. 

“No?” Ben asked and Hux could feel his grin against his skin. He laid a hand flat on Hux’s chest and pushed. Hux stumbled back into the bedroom.

“No,” Hux grumbled. “I’m not some Coruscant whore you can bed that easily.”

“Hux, I never thought you were easy. Just let me fuck you. Don’t you know how bad I want this?” Ben asked and took Hux’s hand in his, pressing it between his legs where Hux could feel an impressive bulge. 

“Who says that _you_ can fuck _me_?” Hux sneered and flicked his fingers against Ben’s clothed erection. Ben gasped in pain and finally let go of Hux. Hux took a huge step so there was some space between them. He adjusted the collar of his uniform again and raked his fingers through his hair, trying to comb it back but it was a useless task and the hair fell back on his forehead again. Maybe he should start using hair gel. 

“I am going now,” Hux declared. 

Ben looked like he just kneed him into the balls.

“But-” Ben started to complain and Hux raised a hand.

“Oh shush, you. You told me you were trying to court me? Please. I know you can do better. If you’re simply looking for a fuck I think you have to search elsewhere.”

Ben’s shoulders slumped in defeat and he sighed. 

“Fine. Have it your way, then,” he said.

“Good boy,” Hux smirked and gave him a kiss on the corner of his mouth. “I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”

And with that, he left the quarters and allowed himself to take a deep breath when he was outside Tarkin Tower. Things were going too fast. Hux didn’t like it when his control slipped. And Benji was such a disturbance in his ordered life. 

“Why are you smiling like that?” Mitaka asked him when he entered their room ten minutes later.

“Don’t be daft, Mitaka. I am not smiling.”

* * *

It wasn’t easy going back to his own rooms every night.

Ben’s kisses were slowly becoming addictive. 

And don’t get Hux started on those large, warm hands.

* * *

“I submitted some blueprints for that Star Destroyer,” Hux said, biting into the sweet fruit that Ben had brought with him. They were sitting on a hill not far from the docks. The skeleton of an immensely large Star Destroyer was visible in the distance, a bit obscured by the typical fog of the small planet the Academy was built on. Ben was lounging on the blanket next to him, munching the same fruit.

“You did?” He asked, surprise clear in his voice.

“Yes, I took an advanced Engineering class last year and won a competition. Apparently they are using some of my ideas for it,” Hux couldn’t help the pride that had crept in his voice. There, hundreds of meters away, was something built that he himself had imagined. 

“She’s going to be the First Order’s flagship and _I_ will command her.”

He frowned at Ben when the other man choked on his fruit because he was laughing.

“ _You?_ ” Ben asked, clearly amused. “I’d say the ship will be completed in roughly six or seven years. What will you be in then? Major Hux maybe? I don’t think they will give the command to a puny Major.”

Hux raised an eyebrow and punched Ben in the shoulder -- hard. 

“I won’t be a _Major_ in by then,” he scoffed. “The day when this Star Destroyer is ready, I am going to have the command as _General_.”

“Are you kriffing me?” Ben snorted. “General. Honestly. Sometimes I think you’re a bit too arrogant.”

“There’s nothing wrong with a good amount of healthy arrogance. It makes dealing with dumb people easier. Look how you and I get along rather splendidly,” Hux grinned so wide that his cheeks hurt and a bit juice from the fruit was running down his chin. He dabbed at his beard with a napkin, asking himself for the 698th time if growing it had been a good idea. 

“Are you calling me dumb?” Ben asked, trying for offended but failing since he was grinning too.

“ _Darling_ , when do I not call you dumb?” Hux stage-whispered and leaned down to kiss him. Ben flat out refused the kiss and put his large hand over his face, pushing him back.

“You are a menace to my salvation, Lieutenant,” he declared and Hux chuckled, pulling Ben’s hand away from his face. 

“You’re with the First Order. If you want salvation you probably should join Republic scum.”

Ben made a face.

“Never,” he almost hissed and Hux wondered if he had some kind of history with the Republic. But almost everyone within the First Order had. Hux thought about his own father and how he was still pining after the good old days of the Galactic Empire. And he thought of his mother and the shame she was still carrying in her heart because of that incident when the former Senator of Naboo abandoned her right before the wedding and she ran into the arms of the aging Imperial enthusiast Brendol Hux Sr.. 

“Good to know you will be by my side then,” Hux smirked and Ben just sighed, finally wrapping his arms around Hux’s neck and pulling him down onto the blanket.

“Let’s not talk about the future,” Ben muttered against his lips and Hux thought he saw a trace of deep sorrow in those dark eyes before Ben broke his brain with a deep kiss again.

* * *

“Are you ironing my clothes?” 

Hux looked up from his task and sneered.

“Yes,” he said and continued with his task.

“So you actually took out the ironing board I didn’t know I had… while I was in the shower...where you refused to join me… to… iron…” Ben asked slowly and Hux tried to iron around a golden button, musing if he should polish the buttons later.

“Yes,” he nodded. “You’re the one who broke the domestic droid. Why didn’t you order another one?” 

Ben scoffed and Hux couldn’t help but stare when he let the towel drop from his waist and half stepped into his closet to find his last clean clothes. 

“I don’t need a domestic droid. He was irritating me, disturbing my medi-- concentration,” came the muffled answer out of the closet and Hux hastily pulled the iron away from the uniform when it started to smell funny. He shouldn’t be distracted that easily. Honestly. Where was his discipline when he was around Ben?

“And anyways. I have _you_ now, right?” Ben continued.

Hux wanted to iron his ridiculous ears. 

“You’re using me,” Hux sighed, folding the uniform jacket neatly and putting it on the growing pile of Ben’s clothes. 

“I wish I would,” Ben grumbled and found the last of his trademark black pants and a simple tunic.

“Are we at this again? Any more complaints that I don’t crawl into your bed like some Core World whore?” Hux asked and had to refrain from chuckling. It was amusing to see Ben actually get frustrated at Hux’s denial in...other aspects of their _relationship_. He liked that back and forth between them. It was kind of a delicious anticipation. 

He frowned when he saw that there was a loose button on the next jacket he put on the ironing board. “Do you have needle and thread?” 

“No,” Ben said and flopped onto his bed, leaning back and staring at Hux like he could get Hux joining him only with his mind. Hux huffed. As if. 

“Well, that’s a tragedy. I have to take your jacket with me then. This button is going to fall off soon.”

“Hux, when did you become my personal maid?” Ben smirked.

“You’d like that. I do this so I can have respect for myself. I mean, look at you, look at me…,” Hux sighed and Ben grinned widely.

“Yes, you’re right. We are perfect for each other,” he told Hux in a serious mocking tone, but then his grin vanished and he looked out of the window. Hard rain was splashing against the window and a few snowflakes were swirling in between the fat rain drops. He frowned and looked at Hux, who was glaring down at the loose button like it personally offended him.

“Stay the night,” Ben suddenly said, bringing Hux out of his musings about stupid golden buttons.

“What? No, you know I don’t stay the night. What that would look like? I have to return to my room, you know that. I can’t have Mitaka think --”

“Think what? That you’re in a relationship with somebody? Do you think he’ll be less afraid of you, then?” Ben sneered. He sat up from the bed and crawled over it, kneeling in front of Hux and the ironing board now. “C’mon, Hux. You never stay the night. I want you to. Aren’t you happy?”

“I am happy,” Hux was loath to admit it, but he _was_. He liked the dynamic he had with Ben, liked spending time with him, kissing him, touching him. But he also was afraid to lose control, if they would finally --

“I’ll be good to you, I promise,” Ben said and unplugged the iron. Hux watched him pushing the ironing board away and blushed a bit when Ben chuckled, muttering ‘Ironing. Seriously, Lieutenant’ under his breath. He didn’t resist when that unbelievable man (man, _man_. Maybe a boy. Only 20. So young, and so many privileges) leaned forward and leaned his forehead against Hux’s thigh. Hux could feel his hot breath through the thin material of his uniform pants. Huge hands were gripping his thighs and Ben looked up, eyes twinkling. His thumbs were stroking soothing circles and Hux could feel goosebumps spreading under Ben’s big hands. 

“Can I--?” Ben asked and Hux answer was a sharp intake of breath and a nod. He would lie if he said he hadn’t thought about it since… well since the beginning. He was craving discipline; first and foremost from himself. But --

He didn’t know what to do with his hands, so he just buried them in Ben’s still damp hair. 

Ben eagerly worked on Hux’s belt and Hux could feel the tips of his ears go red when Ben could make out the already very prominent outline of his cock straining against his briefs. Ben looked up at him and his grin was victorious.

“You filthy little liar,” Ben said, amused. “You want this as much as I do.”

“I never said that,” Hux pointed out. “I just wanted to wait a bit. It’s common sense and well… the rules.”

“Fuck the rules,” Ben replied and pushed Hux’s briefs down, licking his lips. Hux’s cock twitched at that sight. He stared at those full lips, imagined them stretched around his cock. Ben’s hand grabbed the base of his cock, stroking up and down, once, twice. Hux wished he could lean against something. His knees felt weak all of the sudden. As if Ben had heard his thoughts, he gently turned Hux and pushed him backwards. Hux felt the edge of Ben’s bed at the back of his knees and sat down. Ben kneeled between his opened legs, looking like he belonged there. Maybe he did. Hux wanted him to belong there. Hux pried one hand away from Ben’s hair and reached behind himself to lean back and support himself on that hand. The other one was still tangled in Ben’s hair and Hux gasped when Ben dove right in, taking too much of Hux into his hot mouth and choking immediately. 

“Fuck--” Hux moaned, pulling Ben back from his erection. “What are you doing? Slow down. Do you want to suffocate?” He asked him rhetorically. Ben looked a bit petulant and eyed Hux’s cock which was fully hard now just because of a few strokes and a few seconds of being in Ben’s throat.

“Let me do it my way,” Ben complained. 

“Your way seems to be quite counterproductive for you. Do you even know what you’re doing?” Hux asked. 

“Shut up, Hux,” Ben growled and fought against Hux’s hand holding him back, winning easily. Ben was so _strong_. It was truly astonishing. 

“Fine, do your thing then,” Hux huffed and Ben rolled his eyes.

“I can’t believe you’re complaining about a blowjob,” he mumbled and started to lick at the tip, taking the head of Hux’s cock between his lips again. He started to nibble slightly and Hux threw his head back. He gasped again and looked at the ceiling where a holo of the galaxy was glowing and rotating. It was beautiful. Hux had never seen it before. 

Ben was taking him in again, slower this time but somewhat choking nonetheless. Hux wished he would slow down a bit, because not only seemed this a bit rushed and inexperienced, no -- it was Hux’s own worry that he would come fast. Too fast. Ben would be smug for days, weeks maybe. Hux couldn’t have that.

When Hux tipped his head forward again he looked directly into Ben’s eyes. Apparently Ben had been staring at him the whole time. And even in that position, eyes watering and working Hux’s erection deeper into his throat, he looked smug. Hux frowned and jerked his hips upwards. 

The effect was immediate. 

He was impossibly deep in Ben’s throat, Ben moaned around him and a single tear was streaming down his left cheek because he was being overwhelmed. Hux never wanted to forget this sight. It was mesmerizing. 

Ben glared at him as if to say ‘That was mean’ but continued. He pulled back again, licking away a drop of pre-come. Hux sighed and raked his fingers through the thick hair. Ben’s eyes fluttered closed at the movement and Hux pulled him up to him by his hair. 

“Come here,” he said, meeting Ben’s glistening lips with his own and had to sigh again. He opened his mouth willingly, letting Ben’s tongue in. Ben kissed like he gave blowjobs. Frantically, all-consuming and with the goal to drive Hux insane. 

Ben’s hand wrapped around his erection again while they were kissing and Hux arched his back and melted into the touch. 

“You’re so easy. It’s amazing,” Ben breathed against his lips. Hux wanted to be offended, telling Ben his place but everything that came out of throat was a small moan. 

Ben flicked his wrist, rubbed his thumb over the slit and Hux was gone. His breath hitched and he buried his face in Ben’s shoulder when he came almost silently. He didn’t like to make too much noise during sex. It was a sign of losing control. 

“We have to work on your voice,” Ben mumbled, voice raw. He lifted his hand and licked his fingers clean. Hux couldn’t help the full body shudder he had at that sight and looked between them where he could see that Ben was very much affected. 

“Don’t be shy,” Ben said and Hux grimaced.

“I am not. I’m pretty sure I have more experience than you.”

“Are you now.” It sounds mocking.

“Yes,” Hux said and pressed Ben down onto the bed, licking his palm and sneaked his hand into his pants to grab a rather impressive erection. Ben yelped and Hux could feel how even more blood rushed down. He stroked the length up and down, tracing a thick vein on the underside of Ben’s cock with his index finger. 

“You’re so easy,” Hux threw Ben’s words back at him and leaned down to nip at Ben’s throat, his hand steadily stroking up and down. Ben bucked his hips, fucking into Hux’s fist and whined when Hux only squeezed tighter and didn’t let him. 

“Let me do this, you impatient child,” Hux scolded him. Ben deflated and seemed to become boneless on the bed. 

Hux continued working on the bruise on Ben’s neck, biting, licking. 

In the end it was the speeding up of his hands and a playful bite into Ben’s earlobe and the other man was gone, coming with a loud moan in Hux’s fist and his stomach. Hux grimaced and wiped his hand clean on Ben’s skin. He looked at the chrono and realized that it was almost midnight.

Sighing, he got up but didn’t come far. Ben grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. Hux managed to avoid the mess on Ben’s body and was now sprawled on Ben’s chest.

“I have to go back,” Hux murmured, trying to get his harsh breathing under control. Ben was already breathing normally and Hux wondered how he managed that. It was a bit unfair. 

“No you don’t have to.”

“Yes, I have to. I won’t sleep here. I told you that. It isn’t proper.”

“And what we did just now, is?” Ben kissed him lightly on the nose and Hux could feel his ears burn.

“Just let me go, Ben. I have an appointment with my advisor tomorrow morning. It’s closer from my place.”

Ben pouted but released his hold on him. Hux slowly got up again and tucked himself back into his pants. He shouldn’t have allowed that. Because now that he knew how lovely Ben looked when he was falling apart, he realized that he craved more. Much more. But not tonight.

“Okay, dinner tomorrow?” Ben asked. He watched how Hux tried to make himself presentable in front of his mirror again. Hux combed his hair with Ben’s ridiculous hairbrush and wondered if he should by himself some pomade or something. 

“Don’t,” Ben said and Hux turned around, looking at him questioningly. 

“Don’t what?” he asked and Ben looked away. 

“Nothing. Just very loud thinking,” he mumbled and Hux let it slide. Ben was saying strange things like this every now and then. Accusing Hux of speaking his thoughts out loud. Hux wondered if Ben had made his mind so dazed that he really said some of his thoughts out loud. How embarrassing.

When Hux thought himself presentable, he nodded at his reflection in the mirror and turned around to Ben, who was now under the blankets, shivering a bit. Hux went to the heating console and turned it up a bit. 

“Dinner is fine,” Hux answered Ben’s question a bit late and tried not to look at Ben too much. The thin blanket was draped above his body in a perfect way and Hux had suspicions that Ben had done this on purpose. He looked like an old holo, lying like this on the bed. He looked… edible. 

Hux cleared his throat when Ben smirked.

“What no goodbye kiss?” the brat asked and Hux wanted to teach him a lesson and just go, but -- he just couldn’t. He was far too gone for that idiot. So he stalked back to the bed and leaned down. Instead of a slight peck on the lips, Ben wrapped his arms around Hux’s neck and the kiss ended up much filthier than Hux intended it to be.

When he could feel his blood rushing south again, he broke free from Ben and his devious lips.

“Stop it, I’m not sleeping here,” he growled and straightened his jacket. 

Ben heaved a very frustrated sigh, but let him go. “At least, take my coat, would you? It’s snowing.”

Hux looked up and was surprised to see that Ben was right. It was snowing heavily and he only had his jacket. He really didn’t want to freeze to death.

“Yes, that would be nice, thank you,” he said and Ben rolled out of bed, opened his closet and turned back with the loveliest greatcoat, Hux had ever laid eyes on. The rich fabric was exquisite and Hux trailed his fingers along the red First Order symbol. It looked very warm. Ben helped him into the greatcoat and snickered.

“A bit too big for you but it’s the warmth that counts, right?” He told Hux and Hux huffed. It really was too big but it was hiding his own thin frame. It was soft and warm and felt perfect.

“Thank you,” he said and Ben just shrugged.

“I don’t want you to freeze to death now that I know that you can give amazing handjobs.”

Hux punched him in the ribs and took the coat with the loose golden button with him.

“I’ll fix that and bring it tomorrow,” he said and almost bolted through the door. He wouldn’t survive another kissing session with Ben. Ben’s laughter followed him into the elevator.

The greatcoat was a very efficient shield against the cold outside and Hux mourned that he didn’t have something like this for himself.

He kept it for the following weeks, feeling warm and protected in it.

Ben never asked him to return it.

* * *

He was losing his mind, losing himself in that impossible man called Benji Naberrie.

Burying his face in the crook of Ben’s neck, he was lost in Ben’s tight heat. Ben’s sweaty legs were wrapped around him, pushing him impossibly deeper. Ben’s neck had a nice ring of purple bruises already and Hux started to suck in another bruise, snapping his hips forward. 

Ben was a moaning mess beneath him and Hux knew that these noises were branded into his memory forever. 

Ben demanded it to be _harder_ , _faster_ , and _more_ and Hux complied.

Hux’s skin felt too tight, his whole body was thrumming and the only thing that counted in the world was this willing body under him, fitting with him so perfectly. Hux never wanted this moment to end. Being one with Ben was everything and more. 

He could feel his orgasm approaching and the way Ben was clenching and unclenching around him told him that the other man wasn’t far, too.

_I love you,_ Hux thought desperately. _I love you so fucking much. What’s wrong with me?_

Ben’s whole body went rigid and he came violently.

He brought Hux with him over the edge and Hux was sure he blacked out for a few seconds.

When he came to, he was draped over Ben, still connected. Ben was carding a hand through his sweat soaked hair and murmuring endearments into his ear.

It took all of Hux’s energy to slip out of Ben and roll off of him. He was lying on his back now, panting and wondering if he had died and was in some sort of paradise. It certainly felt like it. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that he should get up and get himself and Ben cleaned but his muscles wouldn't listen to him, he knew that much. Hux winced when Ben rolled to the side and wrapped himself around him like a giant cuddly ewok. The pool of come and sweat on Ben's stomach was now being wiped against Hux’s side. 

“You could have at least cleaned yourself up,” he complained but pressed Ben to his side nonetheless.

“Shut up,” Ben replied and pulled the thick blanket around them like a cocoon. 

“You're disgusting,” Hux said for good measure and closed his eyes. He was asleep in seconds. 

He dreamed about Ben showering his face with sweet kisses and mumbling, _I love you too_.

* * *

“I've got good news for you, lieutenant. It’s been decided that your early graduation has been granted. Your latest blueprint and idea for a new weapon was so impressive that General Sashuko wants you on board of his ship. You will learn under him on the _Equalizer_. She's a fine ship. You're going to be promoted to the rank of captain should you impress him during your first month.”

Hux was speechless. He stared at his advisor and for the first time didn't know what to say. He probably would have stuttered with gratitude a few standard months prior but now...now it meant that he had to leave Ben. He'd have to leave the planet and wouldn't see the academy again all too soon. Stars, he'd be lucky if he could leave the ship in his first year.

His advisor was looking at him strangely and Hux straightened his back a bit more.

“Thank you, sir. I am overwhelmed with gratitude, sir. When do I start?” he asked.

“You are to board the ship tomorrow at 0900. She's currently in our spaceport getting supplies and new instructions. Departure is at 1200. The General will speak to you privately and give you further instructions.”

Tomorrow.

Kriff.

“Understood, sir. Thank you.”

“Dismissed.”

Hux left the room, feeling dazed. He didn’t want to go. Not anymore. He wanted to stay here. Have another few months with Ben and then… and then… what then?

He looked at his chrono. Ben was still in class. Hopefully. That idiot was skipping classes way too often. He decided to use the time to go back to his shared room and pack his stuff. He never had much. Most of his stuff was still in his old room in a house he hadn’t set a foot in in ten years. Nevermind that. Hux never had been sentimental and he wouldn’t start now.

He had almost everything packed when Mitaka came in.

“You’re packing? So the rumors are true that you’re going to graduate early? You’re becoming a captain, too?” he asked with awe in his voice.

“Probably,” Hux said, folding his spare cadet uniform. He would get a new uniform on board. 

“Terrific,” Mitaka smiled. “I hope I can serve under you one day.”

Hopefully not, Hux thought. That boy was way too soft. But maybe he’d prove Hux wrong. Hux liked it when hidden competence was blossoming under his wing. 

“I guess, you’re going to sleep at Tarkin Tower tonight then?” Mitaka asked innocently and Hux stiffened and pressed his lips together. He didn’t like it that his relationship with Ben somehow got public. More or less. Interestingly enough, none of his instructors had said anything at all. Probably because Ben was under Snoke’s protection. 

(Hux still didn’t know what exactly Ben was to the Supreme Leader. It irked him.)

“I guess,” Hux said and Mitaka looked an awful lot like he wanted to hug.

Hux reached out with his hand instead and shook Mitaka’s like proper men should do. 

“I’ll see you around, Captain,” Mitaka said and Hux couldn’t help a small quirk of his lips.

“Not yet,” he reminded him and Mitaka laughed.

“You’re the best officer the Academy has seen. I bet you’re Colonel the next time I see you.”

Hux snorted but didn’t deny it. He did have high ambitions. 

“Study hard, Mitaka. Or we won’t see each other again,” he told the young man and left the rooms they had shared for the past two years.

* * *

Ben’s face was not very friendly when he opened the door for Hux.

“Oh, I see the rumor has already spread,” Hux greeted him and placed his big bag next to Ben’s front door and carefully draped his greatcoat over it.

“You’re going tomorrow?” Ben asked, leaning down to get his hello kiss. Hux kissed his sweet lips and nodded.

“Yes, I am to report in the morning. And then I will be off-planet for only the Stars know how long.”

Ben nodded and Hux followed him to the kitchenette.

“I thought about it, you know,” Hux told him, getting two cups out of the cupboard and measuring the tea just like they both liked it while Ben boiled the water.

“Did you now?” Ben asked and Hux didn’t like that attitude at all. 

“Hey, I didn’t choose it…” he said but Ben just huffed.

“Sure, it’s not like you were whining into my ear how unfair it is that you can’t graduate early, because you’re so _smart_.”

Hux sighed.

“Well, that was before I… before I decided that I kind of… like you,” he mumbled and could feel the tips of his ears going red. He could feel Ben’s stare and was glad when the water was ready. He filled their cups and brought the tea to the small table in front of the viewscreen. 

“What did you think about?” Ben asked after they both made themselves comfortable on the sofa, Ben’s head in Hux’s lap and Hux massaging his scalp, stroking the lovely dark hair.

“Well… by the time you’re graduating, I certainly will have a major position on board,” Hux said confidently. “They need me. I will make sure the design for my weapon will be top priority and I am the only one who can oversee the construction.”

“So cocksure,” Ben sing-songed and Hux leaned down to kiss his nose.

“Shut up and don’t interrupt me, Naberrie,” he ordered. “What I was saying. Once you’ve graduated you… you could just apply for the ship I am… and… I’d make sure you’ll be… there.” Hux couldn’t believe that he actually said it like that or that he was more or less stuttering, but… he’d thought it through. He knew he wouldn’t set his foot on his planet again. Not if it were for some important reason. 

He could feel Ben tensing under him and looked down. Ben was avoiding his stare.

“What…?” Too much? Hux hadn’t planned on bearing his feelings like that. The way Ben’s face shut down told him that he shouldn’t have done it.

“I can’t come on the same ship, Hux. I’ll be busy.”

“Busy with what?”

“Stuff.”

“Excuse me? Are you trying to be funny? You have to board a ship after you graduate. So where’s the problem with coming to my ship?”

Ben was silent. Hux grew nervous.

After a while, Ben said,

“I’m only here for the year… to gather… experience. I won’t graduate, Hux. I’m not coming aboard of some First Order ship.”

Hux actually laughed at that.

“What are you talking about? Are you going to defect or something?”

“Oh, shut up, Hux.”

Now Hux frowned and Ben sat up, too. They stared at each other and there was an uncomfortable tension crackling in the air.

“So you don’t want to see me again. At all,” Hux concluded and Ben flinched.

“It’s not like that --” he started but then flailed and didn’t continue. He looked like he wanted to say something but thought the better of it. Like Hux wasn’t wort to hear the truth. 

Hux couldn’t pretend not to be hurt. Because he _was_.

“Fine. Forget it. Forget everything I said. If you don’t want to tell me. Fine,” Hux growled and stood up. He felt so stupid. So incredibly stupid. Of course he was just some pastime for Ben. _Of course_. Because that was normal. And since when was Hux so stupid to develop _Feelings_? If his father only knew. By the stars, maybe he actually knew. Considering how fast rumors were traveling on this star forsaken planet. 

“Hux,” Ben said again and reached out, but Hux swatted him on the wrist, pushing his hand away.

“No, it’s alright. I’m an idiot. I should concentrate on my mission… or whatever. I… probably thought I’d get a last fuck or something.”

Ben rolled his eyes like he knew exactly that Hux was lying and got up, too.

“Listen, Hux. I’d love to tell you, but… I should have told you… that it won’t… can’t last.”

Hux stared at him. After a second, or a minute, or maybe a whole fucking month, he straightened his back.

“Okay, I’m going then.”

“No, stay. Stay this last night, I -- I’m sorry. This is so awkward, I wish --”

“No, don’t fucking bother. I’ll just… use the library to learn about this mystical Force bantha shit.”

Ben’s voice sounded _wrong_ when he answered.

“What did you just say?” he asked, almost hissing.

Hux sneered at him. “Didn’t I tell you? I am being stationed on the _Equalizer_. The _Equalizer’s_ main purpose is to find that old man. What was his name? Skydriver? And isn’t the ship currently hosting a so-called Master? Of Knights of Ten? I have to research that for a bit. Regardless of it being ridiculous and fantastical.”

“You don’t believe in the Force? The Supreme Leader is force-sensitive!”

Why were they even talking about this?

“Ben… please,” Hux scoffed. “Nobody has seen the Supreme Leader before. Those, who are lucky enough to be in front of him personally only see a hologram. There’s no _proof_ something like the Force exists. Moreover, if that Darth Vader thing would have had the force. Why did he let the Death Star blow up? And with it, Tarkin. Force Users are a myth. Don’t tell me you believe that mumbo jumbo?”

Ben glared daggers at him and Hux physically recoiled.

“By the stares, you do believe in that?”

“Hux, you’re as force-sensitive as a brick.”

“What, and you aren’t?”

Silence.

Hux could see Ben clenching and unclenching his hands. The room seemed to vibrate and Hux wondered if another Star Destroyer was flying past them. 

“You need to leave,” Ben said in a dark voice and he was shaking with fury. 

The desire to be kissed, to get one last kiss was strong. Hux hated it.

“Fuck you,” he said with venom. “I hope I never have to see you again. Fucking bantha shit. What have I been thinking?! _I_ was so foolish. Thanks for the reminder.”

And Hux turned around, grabbed his things and **his** greatcoat. 

Ben could very well go fuck himself.

(Hux would miss him terribly.

Somehow he had left his heart on Ben’s doorstep.)


	2. Chapter 2

”How was your year, my apprentice? Did you use the time to strengthen your tactical skills? Did the year show you how blessed you are with the Force? Can you value our purpose now?”

“Yes, Supreme Leader.”

“I feel conflict in you, my dear Ren. Are you not grateful that I granted you a year of levity?”

“I am, Supreme Leader.”

“Very well. Your further training shall begin tomorrow. You may rest until then. But before you go, I can sense one name in your mind. Hux. Captain Hux. Officer on the _Equalizer_. Tell me about him.”

“It’s nothing, Supreme Leader. The man -- I got to know him briefly. He is a brilliant tactician, Master. He’s the one who designed the plans for the new weapon called _Starkiller_. I think -- he has a great value for the First Order. Maybe you could --”

“Enough of this nonsense, Kylo Ren. It is not your task to decide who will be favored in the First Order and who won’t. If the Captain is as good as you say, he will come to my attention by _his_ actions only and not by some recommendation by you. What happens in the First Order has nothing to do with you, do you understand me? I shall relocate your training as far away from the First Order as possible. You’re still easily distracted, child.”

“Forgive me, Supreme Leader. I have forgotten my place.”

“Enough now. Go, get rest. We will leave tomorrow right after dawn.”

* * *

**Part II**

“Where do you think you’re going, Lieutenant?” 

Startled, Hux turned around and looked in the face of a female Stormtrooper. She had her helmet tucked under her arm and something about her rang a bell in his head --

“Yes, we’ve met before,” she said, smirking a bit. “The Medbay, approximately 8 months ago. You brought me Sergeant Naberrie.”

Hearing Ben’s name after their disastrous _talk_ yesterday felt like a punch in the gut. 

“Right. I’m sorry for not recognizing you, Sergeant Phasma,” he started to say but got interrupted.

“It’s Second Lieutenant now, actually.”

Hux winced internally and nodded.

“Apologies, Lieutenant.”

“Don’t worry. But what are you doing here?” 

“I am to report to General Sashuko in half an hour.”

Phasma regarded him silently, then nodded.

“Oh, _you_ are the new one. I was told you’d come on board today. But surely you’re not going to greet the General like this…?”

Hux looked down, seeing nothing wrong with his freshly pressed uniform, his shiny black boots. Even his nails were trimmed under his gloves. 

“I don’t see anything wrong, Lieutenant,” he told her, vaguely annoyed by her smirk. 

“It’s not your uniform, sir,” she explained. “But it’s a well known thing that the General prefers to be the only one with facial hair, you see.”

Hux’s hands shot up to his chin. Was she serious? She looked like it.

“Kriff,” he mumbled. He didn’t have the time to go back to his assigned quarters to shave and --

“Oh, don’t look so pathetic. Come one. I can help you.” 

She turned and started walking down a hallway left from them. Slightly panicking, Hux followed her. Stars, he really was stupid. Instead of reading everything he could about the General, he had spent the whole night in the library, feeling miserable and aching for Benji. He should have never allowed Ben to get so close to him. He was his _weakness_. 

Well, he wouldn’t be again.

Never again.

Hux had been foolish -- yes. But he could outgrow that. He _would_ outgrow it.

Before he knew what was happening, he was sitting in a communal bathroom in front of a big mirror and Phasma had dug out a shaving kit and scissors from a locker with her name on it. Without asking him, she pressed a tiny button on the razor. The blade fell off and onto a sink with a loud clattering noise and a new blade took its place. Satisfied, offered him her stuff and Hux took the bland shaving cream and fresh reazor. 

“Why are you doing this?” Hux asked. He was a superior officer; she needn’t to do this. She even could use his failure as a leverage against him, demanding a favor years later.

Phasma just shrugged and watched him, as he moisturized his face and applied the cream. Thankfully, the shaving cream didn’t smell very flowery and girly.

“You look like you’ve had a rough night. Didn’t work out with Naberrie, huh? You were cute together.”

Straight to the point. Hux did not flinch, but it was a near thing. He sent her a death glare through the mirror and she only shrugged.

“Well, it surely is for the better. Attachments are only good for making a person weaker. It’s good you decided to go separate ways. Fooling around at the Academy is one thing. But working for the glory of the First Order is another thing. You need to stay focused, Sir.”

Hux decided that he liked her.

She told him that she’d been on the _Equalizer_ for two months now and that she noticed the lack of discipline in some of the other Stormtroopers and how she wished she could be the one overseeing their training. Hux asked her about some things he ought to know about the General and she just shrugged and told him that the arrogance about his facial hair was the only thing and that he handpicked the officers on his ship.

“So you really must be a genius,” she concluded when Hux washed the rest of the shaving cream from his face and stared at his now clean shaven face. He left sideburns, though. Tucking at his hair, he wondered what he should do with it. Phasma held out a small pot of pomade wordlessly. 

“Thank you,” he said and dipped his fingers into the smooth substance and combed his hair back with his fingers. It stayed like it and when Hux watched the result in the mirror, it felt like he had put on an armor. He sneered at his reflection and yes -- he rather liked it. 

He had to become harder, more efficient. 

Ruthless.

He had a destiny to fulfil.

* * *

It took 25 days until Hux was promoted to the rank of Captain. General Sashuko took him under his wing and after one year aboard the _Equalizer_ , Hux’s sole task was Starkiller.

He threw everything he had into this task ~~because he didn’t have anything else. And not passing out in bed because of utter exhaustion meant lying in bed and his mind wander to Ben~~.

When the time for finding a suitable planet came, Hux met the Master of the Knights of Ren the first time. Apparently he was now considered important enough. Hux dreaded the confrontation. He had looked into the ship’s database and had seen that Kodai Ren truly was a Master of the Force. Hux wasn’t afraid of that -- no. It was just -- he hated that Force users could be so… unpredictable. And being force-choked looked very inconvenient. 

Hux had been ordered to a part of the ship where he’d never been before and stopped short when he entered the training facility. There wasn’t only the master of the Knights whom he recognized for his mask. No, there were also three other knights in the room. Hux had had no idea that there were other knights on board. 

“Ah, Captain,” the leader greeted him and Hux felt a tad uncomfortable when four masks were staring at him. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. This won’t take long. The General informed me that you are looking for a suitable planet for Starkiller. Some of my Knights and I have been meditating for the last two days and Sinan Ren foresaw the coordinates of a very suitable planet.”

Hux tried to give his attention to the female knight of Ren, but his eyes flicked to the knight on the far right. He stood a bit apart from the rest of them, leaning against the wall and playing with the hilt of his lightsaber. Hux couldn’t see his face but it certainly felt like the knight was glaring at him. 

Hux had no idea why he would do that, since they hadn’t met before.

“Don’t worry about Kylo Ren,” Kodai Ren told him. “He’s just angry that his meditation didn’t bring the desired result. He’s young and still has much to learn. Isn’t that so, young one?” 

The knight -- Kylo Ren -- straightened and nodded. 

“Good,” Kodai Ren said. “I will disembark with my knights in two hours. You may talk to Sinan during that time. Have a good day.”

Hux bristled that he was dismissed so clearly, but General Sashuko had told him before that the master of the Knights of Ren clearly outranked him. So Hux gritted his teeth and nodded to Sinan Ren. 

“Lady Ren,” he said and she followed him out of the room. Before he was through the door, he cast a glance over his shoulder. This Kylo Ren wasn’t looking at him. He was talking to Kodai Ren. Something about Kylo Ren’s posture was familiar to Hux. But he couldn’t pinpoint what it was. 

Strange.

All of them.

Hux shrugged and disregarded it immediately. No time for Nonsense.

* * *

The first day of construction of Starkiller was also the day he got promoted to Major and would leave the _Equalizer_. Hux knew that he wouldn’t see that particular Star Destroyer again. It was one of the oldest and it seemed like the aging General Sashuko would be last one to command it. 

Hux would stay on Starkiller base until the construction was finished. It was his idea, his project. He’d go down with it, if he had to. Because he didn’t have anything else. Starkiller was his life.

(One day, Hux would be in command of that beautiful ship that was still being built on Arkanis. 

One day.

He was sure of it.)

* * *

Against all odds, he had to return to Arkanis one last time. 

Hux’s father died a few days after Hux’s 29th birthday. 

Hux was filled with dread when he set foot on the planet again. But not so much because of the funeral (his father had been ill for two years now) but because he was so close to the Academy again. Hux couldn’t help it. All thoughts gravitated around ‘Benji’ the whole way to his family’s estate. Ben, who should have graduated two years ago. He wondered on what ship Ben was stationed now. Was he on the _Equalizer?_. Or maybe on the _Endeavor_? 

No.

He had to stop this.

Ben was as good as dead to him. He had to. Hux couldn’t afford to be distracted again. 

There was too much on his plate now. He knew that they would transfer the Stormtrooper program to him completely now. That and Starkiller….

It was almost too much.

But he could handle it.

Would handle it.

After he took care of his mother and somehow survived the funeral without sneering at everyone, he was in his old bedroom and it took him four hours of tossing and turning until he went to his father’s study and stood in front of his father’s console. He raised an eyebrow when he saw a little notice in his father’s handwriting. Brendol Hux’s access data. Nothing more. Not a simple greeting at Hux. 

Well.

He typed the data in and the screen came to life and asked him to transfer the whole account to his own.

Hux did and one minute later all of his father’s data was transferred to Hux’s personal datapads and First Order cloud. 

But the thing he typed in wasn’t the Stormtrooper program or how the status of Starkiller was.

No.

 _Benji Naberrie_ , he typed into the search bar of the Academy records and his heart stopped when the computer told him that it didn’t find anything on that name.

That couldn’t be possible. Ben had to be in the records. Even if he really only was at the Academy for one year, like he told Hux.

You couldn’t just delete something out of a First Order database. Ben was just a cadet. He had to be somewhere. Hux tried again. And again. In the end he read every name from every officer cadet who attended the academy in the year they met. Five year ago.

Still nothing.

That couldn’t be.

Surely, Hux didn’t imagine everything. He’d been with Ben for six months.

( ~~The best six months of his life~~ )

When the sun crept up, sending light over the misty garden, he sent a message to Phasma. He knew he would regret it as soon as he would get her answer but --

**Do you know where Ben is stationed?**

It took her only five minutes to answer.

**No. I also looked him up in the database. Looks like he dropped off the grid.**

He could practically feel the unwritten _sorry_ and felt mortified. 

He stepped away from the console as if he’d been burnt and was glad when the household droid interrupted him that breakfast was ready.

(He searched for traces of Ben during his whole two day stay on Arkanis. Nobody but him and Phasma seemed to remember him. Hux knew that he was missing something important but as soon as his brain wanted to latch on it he got distracted by something else.)

* * *

Life could get lonely on Starkiller Base.

It was not like he needed friends but at least on the _Equalizer_ he did have Phasma. But she hadn’t been assigned on Starkiller, too. Why would she. She wasn’t a Snowtrooper and way more efficient onboard a Star Destroyer. He missed her sometimes. And he was glad when official communication came through every now and then and it was signed by her. She sent him an update every two weeks and Hux didn’t scold her for the few personal questions that were always in the attachment. 

After the whole Trooper Program got transferred to him, Hux only oversaw the construction of the base every two day. He didn’t have the time for checking in every day. Not anymore. But he personally employed the best workers and technicians. They weren’t behind schedule and that meant something.

Sleeping was getting difficult after he got back from Arkanis.

Not because he was so busy (he was, but he could cope with it) but because no calculation or blueprint in his mind could distract him from the point that a man named Benji Naberrie never existed. At least officially. Hux got sick when he thought about it -- and the relationship with the Supreme Leader. Because Hux was pretty sure that everything had to do with the Supreme Leader. Only the leader of the First Order could erase a whole person out of everyone’s life. And records. 

But not out of Hux’s memories.

No.

He wondered if he could ask Snoke if he were to stand in front of the Supreme Leader one day. Kriff. What a strange thought. If Snoke had anything to do with Benji’s disappearance, he probably would kill Hux on the spot. 

Better not asking him, then.

But Hux would never stay in front of the Supreme Leader anyway. He was just a puny Major. He knew that only Generals were permitted to discuss First Order things with the Supreme Leader. 

(If he was bitter that he didn’t have the chance to speak to the Supreme Leader personally, he didn’t show it. He didn’t even dare to think about it more than one time. His time would come. Him overseeing Starkiller and the Stormtrooper program _had_ to catch Supreme Leader’s attention some day.)

* * *

There was a small notice for all First Order Officers around Hux’s 30th birthday. It simply read,

**There is a new Master of the Knights of Ren. Kylo Ren is leading the Knights now.**

After reading that, he thought back to the one time he saw Kylo Ren. He had been described as quite young. Hux had no illusions about how the masters were replaced. 

Huh.

Apparently there was more in that kid than Hux’s first impression told him.

* * *

When Starkiller Base was finished it earned Hux a promotion to Colonel. The promotion opened him the doors in the First Order that were closed his whole life. These were the doors his father had told him about, that he had to ‘earn it’ to peek in.

Oh, how Hux fantasized about the upper class of the First Order as a kid.

Oh, how utterly boring the reality was. 

Hux had to leave Starkiller base every few weeks to meet a few of the highest ranked officers on a particular Star Destroyer. They all were at least 15 years older than him, still trying to live the good old Empire days. He could see in their gazes that they didn’t trust him; they thought he gained his position unfairly. Hux wasn’t in a high enough position to sneer at them but he held each of their gazes so long until they looked away. It gave him satisfaction. One day, he would surpass them all. And he would look down at them and replace them with younger, more capable officers.

* * *

Hux used his Colonel clearance to type in Benji’s name into the database one last time.

He was weak that night; he’d been drinking, freezing in his quarters on Starkiller because one heating unit was broken. Huddled in his old -- but still pristine -- greatcoat, he had felt nostalgic and had tried it.

The result was still the same.

Benji Naberrie apparently never existed.

It didn’t make sense. Not at all. Hux fussed over it the whole night. Why was he still obsessed with some kid he had a kind of relationship with ages ago? Wasn’t it Ben who had told him to get the fuck out of his life and that Hux was in over his head? 

(Well, he’d technically been right, but --)

Kriff, it was good that Starkiller had replaced Arkanis as the First Order Base. Hux had been reunited with Phasma over a month ago; and she forbade him to ever look the other man up again on the next day.

“You can’t just let yourself go like this,” she scolded him. “That’s not Colonel behavior. If you were one of my Troopers I’d have had you reconditioned long ago.”

(Sometimes he hated his only friend because she always spoke the no-nonsense truth.)

* * *

His enhancements in the Stormtrooper program came to fruition with the first generation disciplined under Phasma. Hux was impressed with the results of the simulations. The requests for reconditioning had dropped about 26%. When Hux saw the live footage of Phasma leading them into war against a Resistance-friendly planet, he was more than impressed. But not satisfied. He knew that he could do more; that he could do better. 

Hux wanted the chance of success to be 100%.

He worked day and night to achieve this goal.

When the First Order brought a very resourceful planet of the Unknown Regions under control and all of the Stormtroopers of Phasma and Hux came back alive, he was promoted to General.

He was only 32 years old.

 _That_ finally earned him the attention of the Supreme Leader.

(Phasma declined her promotion offer. She didn’t want to climb ranks, wanting to stay with the Troopers and train them to perfection. She was the best in training supervision and knew that.)

* * *

The first time Hux stood before Snoke’s hologram his only thought was if Snoke was very small in real life. He had to compensate for _something_ with such a large hologram.

“General Hux,” Snoke said and Hux stood a bit straighter.

“Supreme Leader. It is an honor to finally meet you.”

Snoke regarded him silently for over a minute and Hux did not fidget. He looked the Supreme Leader straight in the eyes, not being afraid in the slightest. He wasn’t even intimidated. He knew that he was at his rightful place. He had kriffing _earned_ it. Snoke should be the one thanking him, really. Hux knew that he played a huge part in the rise of the First Order. 

“Arrogance is a dangerous trait, General.” Before Hux could reply to that, Snoke went on. “I don’t have much time. I simply wanted to meet you in person. You’ve managed quite a career, young one. But you have a lot to learn. You will do so on board of a new ship --”

Hux’s heart skipped a beat. Surely, Snoke couldn’t mean --

“-- The _Finalizer_ will be ready in one standard week. It’s been decided that she shall be under your command.”

This was it.

Hux could barely contain his delight. He’d have the command of the First Order’s flagship. A brief flashback to a picnic came to his mind. Almost over a decade ago. Pouty lips on his, the raw skeleton of the _Finalizer_ in the background. Hux’s insistence about what rank he’d have in the future --

“But be aware that you shall have a co-commander,” Snoke interrupted his thoughts and Hux snapped back to reality. What? No. Why? Doesn’t he trust Hux with the ship? Hux had commanded Starkiller Base brilliantly. He was the best. He knew the was the best, so why…?

“The _Finalizer’s_ main purpose will be the hunt for the last known Jedi. You will share the command with the Master of the Knights of Ren. You are to search for a map that will lead you to Skywalker. Is that understood?”

Hux wanted to scream. He wanted to turn around and and tell Snoke exactly what he thought of this.

Instead he said,

“Yes, Supreme Leader. It is an honor to work together with the Master of the Knights Ren.”

Supreme Leader nodded and the hologram fizzled out. Hux kicked one of the chairs from the conference room away and turned around to leave the room. Kriffing hell. He was pretty sure that the Force user was sent to his ship so he could keep an eye on Hux. It seemed like even the Supreme Leader didn’t trust that Hux made it all the way on top because of his abilities. His _non_ force abilities. 

_Hux, you’re as force-sensitive as a brick._

Hux closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Enough of that. The last time he saw this Kylo Ren, he’d been a kid. Hux was older, wiser. He would simply ignore him.

And maybe the Master of the Knights of Ren would mind his own business.

* * *

It felt immensely satisfying being on the bridge of the _Finalizer_ when she lifted off the Arkanis spaceport for the first time. He couldn’t help the smirk when he met the officers under his command and Mitaka suddenly was in front of him.

“Long time no see, General,” Mitaka grinned and Hux greeted him a bit more warmly than the others.

“It’s good to see you,” Hux said but sent Mitaka to his work station immediately when the cheeks of the younger man started to redden.

The _Finalizer_ hovered over Arkanis one minute later and Hux looked over the bridge, his hands clasped behind his back, and wanted to start the beta shift -- the first official shift on the ship -- with a few words when there was a nervous tension all of the sudden. Hux wondered why some of the officers were looking so uncomfortable all of the sudden.

The answer came in the form of a very dramatic _swooosh_ of black robes and Hux was confronted with a mask he hadn’t seen in years. He couldn’t see the knight’s eyes but he couldn’t shake the feeling that his supposed co-commander was watching him intently. 

“Lord Ren,” Hux said flatly. “I didn’t know you would come on board today. I was informed that you would join us in three standard weeks when we would pass Raxus System.”

A mechanically distorted voice answered him. It was unsettling. Kylo Ren’s consciously distorted voice raised the alarm bells in Hux’s head. But he couldn’t pinpoint the exact reason. 

“You were wrong, General. I decided to board as soon as possible.” He tilted his head slightly and the mask stared back at him. 

“Fine, then. Welcome. I hope we will help each other helping the First Order rise to glory,” Hux said and held out his hand. The mask looked down at his outstretched hand and Hux had a strange sense of déjà vu when their gloved hands met in a firm handshake. It felt terribly familiar when the huge palm slid into his hand, engulfing it with long, strong fingers. Before Hux could panic about that idiotic _emotion_ bubbling up in him, Kylo Ren pulled his hand back and even took a step back as if he didn’t want to stay in Hux’s close proximity. Ass.

“I am not interested in the First Order, General,” Hux could practically hear the sneer through the mask. “All that I am interested in is the location of Luke Skywalker.”

Hux didn’t deign to respond to that with an answer and simply turned away to finally give orders and start the first official shift on the _Finalizer_.

Only when Kylo Ren left the bridge silently, Hux dared to take a deep breath again.

* * *

Working with Kylo Ren was irritating and sometimes straight out confusing. Every time he had to talk with that ghastly mask, he had the feeling that Kylo Ren wasn’t really listening. But the mask was always watching him. Always. Hux even had the feeling that the mask was watching him when they _weren’t_ in the same room. 

It was infuriating and set Hux on edge whenever he felt that _prickling_.

He cornered Kylo Ren about that issue when they were on Starkiller Base -- when Kylo Ren was on Starkiller Base the first time and Hux showed him around. They were outside the base, at the beginning of a huge forest and Hux crowded Ren against a tree. He probably had the element of surprise for one second but he was surprised when Ren didn’t force-kick him into the next star system after a few seconds. 

“Are you keeping tabs on me with your kriffing force?” he asked Ren, letting a blade slip out of his sleeve and pushing it against the small speck of skin between Ren’s mask and his collar. There was a dark chuckle audible from the mask and Hux could feel the Force around him, squeezing at his neck slightly but doing nothing more than that. “Did Snoke order you to?”

“No,” Ren answered and lifted his hand to pry Hux’s knife away from his neck. He did so with seemingly no effort at all. Hux pressed his lips together and slowly took a step back.

“I know you’re _watching_ me. Why?”

Ren regarded him silently and crossed his arms across his chest. 

“Because I like to do so,” he said and it sounded almost petulant. Hux couldn’t help it -- he snorted. 

“What? You like watching me? Keeping tabs on me?”

“Yes,” it came without hesitation and Hux swayed a bit. A strong gust of wind blew the cap from his head and he shuddered. He didn’t know if it was because of the cold or because of Ren’s word. Hux gripped the front of his greatcoat and wanted to kneel down to get his cap, but the cap was already hovering over the ground and levitating in his waiting hand. 

“Thank you,” he said, putting it back on his head again. “Please refrain from ‘checking on me’ again in the near future. It’s unprofessional and a bit unbecoming.”

Ren tilted his head and then huffed.

“No, that’s not happening,” and before Hux could protest at that, Ren continued, “That is a very nice greatcoat, by the way. Looks very warm and comfortable. But a tad outdated, don’t you think?” The last words were mocking and Hux could feel the tips of his ears go red. 

“Leave me the kriff alone, Ren,” he spat and Ren’s laughter followed him on his way back into the main building.

* * *

Ren didn’t leave him alone. Hux could still feel his skin tingle every now and then and when he looked over his shoulder, Ren wasn’t there. Even when he wasn’t on board, Hux couldn’t escape watchful eyes.

After a while he got used to it. Ren wasn’t intruding per se, no. He wasn’t in his head, never. But he could feel Ren’s presence. Hux was pretty sure that Ren had lied to him. Snoke had ordered Ren to watch him, he was sure of that. Well, Ren could watch all he like; Hux did nothing wrong. All he did was in the best interests for the First Order. Ren could very well report that back. Hux had nothing to hide.

(He was slowly getting used to Ren’s presence around him. He would never admit it, but it felt nice. He’d been alone for so long now.)

* * *

“Have you ever been in love, General?”

Hux, who had been studying a small map they had gathered from a Resistance spy, looked up sharply and frowned at Ren who was sprawled across one chair of the conference room. They had a scheduled meeting with the Supreme Leader in half an hour and Hux came here to prepare his information. He hadn’t been here for a minute, and Ren had swirled in, fresh off his Shuttle. He’d been on a two-month-long mission with his knights. Apparently it had been fruitless; Hux had gotten a new damage report ten minutes after Ren had vanished somewhere on the ship. 

And now he was here, looming behind Hux and pestering him with stupid questions.

“Why would you want to know that? That is entirely irrelevant and unprofessional.”

“Oh, Hux, when was I ever professional?”

“That’s still ‘General’ for you, _Lord_ Ren.”

“You’re avoiding the question, _General_.”

“What’s wrong with you? Why would that be of interest for you?”

“Because I am interested in you. Why do you think?”

Hux was taken aback by that statement. 

“You are freely admitting that you’re spying for the Supreme Leader?” he asked, paperwork forgotten. 

“Oh no. This is entirely for my private purposes,” Ren said nonchalantly. Hux could feel frustration and anger bubble up again. It was a common occurrence with Ren. 

“What game are you playing at?”

“The question was simple. Answer it. I need to know it.”

“This is outrageous,” Hux complained. He could feel the Force around him, teasing his neck in a slightly threatening manner. Hux looked at his chrono and saw that the audience with Snoke was due in a few minutes.

“Fine. Yes. I was. Can you stop being a child now? This is ridiculous.”

“Who was it? Was it during your Academy days?” Ren almost hissed and stood up. Suddenly he was looming over him, grabbing Hux’s arm.

“Get out of my head, Ren,” Hux snarled, suddenly feeling panicked that Ren might have seen Benji in his head. The grip around his arm got tighter and Ren was so close that Hux could see directly into the eye slits of the mask. 

“Oh I don’t have to be in your head to now that. Hux, let me tell you. _I_ am better. I am stronger.”

Hux had the sudden urge to laugh. 

“Are you trying to tell me that you are _interested_...? In your own twisted way? Are you insane?” he demanded to know. Ren growled and Hux’s heart was beating violently in his chest when Ren let go of him and his hands came up to fumble with the clasps of his mask. But before he could take off the helmet, a chrono in the room chimed softly and they practically jumped apart and went to their usual spot for the audience with Snoke.

When the Supreme Leader’s hologram filled the room, Hux rattled off the information he had, got a new task and was being sent out of the room. His head was still swimming from his earlier conversation with Ren and the last he heard before he left the room was Snoke sending Ren away from the _Finalizer_ because _Ren’s mind was elsewhere_.

It didn’t sit well with Hux that Ren had to go again.

It was even worse when he went to bed that night and couldn’t feel Ren’s presence.

He replayed their talk over and over again and it just didn’t make any sense.

(Except it did.)

* * *

With Ren’s absence, his thoughts drifted back to Benji. More often than not during the night. 

Ren visited him in his dreams, morphing together with Ben, which was frankly insane because Hux didn’t even know how the other man (was he even a man? Human even?) looked like. 

Stupid Ren with his stupid question about Ben.

Yes, Hux had loved him. Hux loathed to admit it, but he did admit it in the quiet of the night when he couldn’t sleep.

Hux _missed him_.

Where was Ben now?

Sometimes Hux wondered if he was dead.

And that thought alone broke his heart.

* * *

When Kylo Ren stepped onto the _Finalizer_ weeks later, the dreadful feeling of anticipation finally eased away. A bit. Ren walked with determination in the direction of him. He had stepped into his office unannounced and Hux would be annoyed, if it weren’t for… no not going there.

“I had a vision,” he told him and Hux raised his eyebrow.

“Yes? Can you be a bit more specific? Did you see where the map is?”

“No,” Ren’s body language looked like it pained him to tell this.

“It was about you. You in our past...in my future. You’re everything. The Supreme Leader was wrong… about this.”

Could Ren be more cryptic?

“Lord Ren,” Hux said slowly. “Could you be more cryptic? What are you talking about? What past? _Our_ past? Did the Supreme Leader squeeze your brain too hard?”

There was a huff audible through the mask and suddenly the helmet was off and in front of him, looming over him with dark eyes was --

Hux’s hand acted on its own. The slap echoed in his office and he was satisfied when the red handprint on ~~Ren’s~~ Ben’s cheek. His own hand tingled and he shook it.

“You kriffing asshole,” Hux hissed. “I thought you were dead.” 

He couldn’t help drinking in Ben’s face. His face seemed a bit longer, he had a few more moles on his face, but the lips. Oh the lips were the same. And his dark eyes. And his hair was longer. He didn’t look much older than the last time he’d seen it.

But as nice as it was seeing Ben again… dread made its way through Hux and he looked up into Ben’s stoic face. Ben hadn’t moved an inch, not even when being slapped.

“Were you at the Academy to spy on me…? Did you… select me? Were you two watching over my career…?” 

So this all hadn’t been his own effort? Was it all a slight nudge from Ren here and there…? Was he more useless than he had previously thought?

“Oh trust me. I had nothing to do with it. That’s all your own genius that brought you here,” Benji’s voice was darker. Richer. It sent a tingle down Hux’s spine. 

“Benji is dead, Hux,” it was softly spoken and closer than before. Ben had leaned down and was watching him intently. “Ben never lived to begin with. It was just an alias. I’m sorry, I couldn’t tell you.”

“So none of this was real then? I should have known…” Hux men weren’t destined to be loved. Never were. Hux sighed deeply, showing a moment of weakness. “I think you should go, Kylo Ren.”

“I can’t.”

There was a gloved hand on Hux’s cheek and he didn’t lean away when the kiss came. But he didn’t reciprocate either. The kiss was soft, lovely, apologizing and _wrong_. 

“I’ve seen it, Bren,” Ren said against his lips. “You can’t escape me, I can’t escape you. I’m sorry I didn’t realize that a decade ago.”

“Oh, shut up,” Hux mumbled and took a step away. “I don’t need this right now, Lord Ren.”

He had allowed himself a weakness years ago. And it broke his heart. And Kylo Ren was so different from Ben. His Ben. A persona who….probably never existed. Not really. 

“We can’t have distractions right now. Not with the Resistance getting stronger day by day. I don’t have time for this.”

“But, Hux. I’ve foreseen that --”

“I don’t give a shit, Ren! We had something, ages ago, sure, but it meant nothing and means nothing now. Do you even understand how long I have searched for you? I was young and naive. You want to rekindle _what_ exactly? You can’t rekindle something that wasn’t serious to begin with”, Hux snapped and Ren’s face closed off.

Ben, Ren, whatever his name was. He’d hurt him. Hux had opened up in front of Ben. Ben knew Hux like nobody else did. It was embarrassing. Hux didn’t want to that again. 

“And I’m sure, the Supreme Leader wouldn’t want his star apprentice getting distracted by...me. I value my life you know? No need to ruin it. Or have me executed because you can’t keep yourself in check.”

Ren looked quite murderous and Hux wondered if he’d gone too far. 

“You’ve always been a terrible liar, Hux,” he finally said. 

“Well, apparently you only can cheat with your Force.”

“You’re finally believing it, huh? Took you long enough. Also, I didn’t use the force. Supreme Leader forbade it for that year.”

They both got interrupted when their comms chimed. 

_Jakku._

“I’m sending Phasma and you should go, too,” Hux said and Ren took his helmet but hesitated with putting it on again. 

“When I have that map,” Ren said in that soft voice again. Hux hated his voice. He wanted to hear it through the mask again. It was safer for him to listen to the cold knight Ren and not...this. “We’re going to talk. And I’m going to apologize properly. And you won’t run away. And I will court you. Again.”

Hux would forever deny the shiver that went through him with hearing Ren’s words.

“Just _go_ ,” Hux sighed. “And don’t fuck it up. There’s nothing to talk about.”

Ren stared at him and then _smiled_. Hux’s knees felt weak and he sat down. Had to sit down. 

“Later,” Ren simply said. A promise. And he put on the helmet and left the room.

Hux took a few deep breaths before he commed Phasma and informed her that their next mission was going to be Jakku.

When he was finished with giving out orders, he leaned forward and pressed his palms into his eyes until he could see stars.

Ren was not Ben.

Ben never existed.

Shut up, stupid heart. 

**Ren was not Ben. Get over it.**

Hux repeated it in his head over and over again. 

When he was on the bridge ten minutes later he was almost convinced that his past with Ben was only a dream. A dream he shouldn’t chase.

And yet…

And yet all he could think was _Ben, Ben, Ben, BEN_ when he was walking through the heavy snow three days later.

And his heart cried in agony when he found him bleeding out in the snow.

Apparently he’d never stopped loving this enormous idiot.

Kriff.

 _There’s worse._ a tired voice projected in his head when he knelt down next to Ren and took his hand, checking for a pulse. 

“Shut up and stay awake,” Hux ordered, hoisting him up. Ren moaned and Hux had troubles keeping him upright. 

_I think… Hux, I think I’m gonna be sick…_

“Oh well… what’s new?” Hux asked and tried to angle Ren’s face away when the other man emptied his stomach into the snow.

Strangely enough, that made Hux smile.

Some things never changed.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come and say hi on my [tumblr](http://minzimpression.tumblr.com)!


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